This morning, on Fark.com, there was a link to an uninteresting story about bus travel in the UK being the least stressful way to travel.

Of course, it’s not this way in America. The Farkers chimed in with bits like:

Princess Queef 2008-02-07 04:30:09 AM
when i was a kid riding the bus for a field trip, another kid threw up extensively in the middle of the bus, right in the aisle. it was the kind of vomit that launches about five feet, so it was everywhere. the driver did not stop, and it was a bumpy, twenty minute drive. the puke was like an orange river, going up and down the aisle in both directions or wherever gravity chose to take it.

it seems like my most vivid memories are the most traumatic.

VTSquire 2008-02-07 02:33:26 AM
…
Missourri to Cali:

Poop. Human poop. Human poop on the floor. Human poop on the floor, and it wasn’t coming from the bathroom. It’s raining. It’s storming. There’s a tornado watch in effect. For the love of god, open the farking windows!
…

Of course, back in the day, I did a fair amount of bus travel. While most were fairly uneventful, one time sticks out in my mind.

When I was going to college in California, and my then-fiance lived in Utah, we regularly took the bus back and forth, before I bought a crappy 86 Ford Escort. She had taken the bus down to my college town, then we rode the bus back to Utah together. While at a stopover in San Francisco, we were being cute and snuggly and making out in a corner, when I heard a falsetto voice ask, “Can you help my baby?”

I didn’t quite expect what I was about to see. In front of me stood a 6′ +, well built black man. In a scraggly, used, baby doll dress and flip flops. His makeup was well done, with only the lipstick being a bit over the top. In his right hand, was his “baby”, which looked like a doll from a second hand store. It was missing a limb and a fair amount of hair.

Best. Beggar. Ever. I gave him $5 and he skipped away.

Was he wearing underwear?